I found my old watch today. It had been gathering dust in a cupboard for the last six months or so.
I say watch but it actually goes by the name of ‘smart bracelet’.
After charging the battery the only task that remained was to set the time.
So I looked at it.
I pressed it.
I swiped it.
I tapped it.
I shook it.
I scratched my head.
Then I looked at it some more.
I pressed it again.
I swiped it again.
I tapped it again.
I shook it again.
I don’t want to get too monotonous here but this cycle was repeated several times.
Until I finally concluded definitively that there is no way to change the time on a smart bracelet. If the time on the display is wrong then you’ll just have to alter the speed that our planet is spinning. A less daunting task, it seemed.
So I did what I always do when hopelessly floundering. I googled it.
The only drawback with this is that I don’t know the brand name of my smart bracelet so I had to watch several videos of American and Japanese men enthusiastically showing off the features of their new gadget until I found a device which looked like mine.
I watched a video. And discovered I was right, you can’t change the time on a smart bracelet.
What you have to do instead is ‘sync’ your smart bracelet with your mobile phone via Bluetooth.
This alien process includes downloading a health app which asked me my a) height b) weight and c) what I want to achieve.
a) not sure
b) don’t know
c) just to set the time.
I successfully downloaded the app. The time display magically corrected itself on the watch. But now the app keeps making strange requests, asking permission to do things like ‘analyse your sleep’.
I thought of a simpler time, when I was a happy schoolboy with a digital watch bought at the Lammas Fair. Setting the time was simple, you just stuck a safety pin into a little hole.
Those times are gone. These days my smart bracelet is smarter than me.