I believe the phrase ‘first world problems‘ is used to describe relatively trivial matters which annoy us.

An example might be getting stuck in traffic, a problem which is quite acute near my son’s school.

The roads network around the building is inadequate to cope with the volume of cars which gather at pick-up and drop-off times. This can lead to temporary gridlock and potentially delay a planned arrival at work or for a meeting.

Viewed through the spectrum of the daily pressure many of us put on ourselves to be at certain places at certain times, just such a little crunch can be magnified into a significant irritant.

Personally I always try to park some distance from the school. This serves the dual purpose of keeping me away from the very worst of the traffic and getting my son into a habit of taking some exercise before his lessons begin.

A dogged drizzle fell as I walked my son through the school gates this morning. I cuddled him to say goodbye and then stood, as I always do, at the edge of the playground watching until he disappeared around the corner.

Then I began to stroll back towards my car. I was relaxed as I had no work duties or other commitments to distract or divert today. As I turned the corner from the school gates onto the main road I noticed that the familiar snarl-up of traffic had begun.

And then I saw this happen.

A car which was turning from the road into the school yard paused to allow a group of children and adults to cross in front. There was a very young girl in this group and it took her mother just a few seconds longer to guide the child across the road.

This led to the car having to wait. As did the car behind it. And the one behind that, which was a black Porsche.

As I dandered along the pavement I was rudely ripped from my early morning daydreams by a loud and angry blast of a car horn.

The noise had been caused by the driver of the black Porsche, which was now just a few feet from where I was standing.

So I paused and watched for a moment. I watched the driver, a respectably dressed middle aged man, repeatedly shake his head and wave his arm before sounding another loud blast of his horn.

Then, as the bottleneck began to thin and he was able to move forward, he sounded one last long blast of the horn as he passed the school gates. Presumably a final defiant gesture of frustration at being delayed.

I would guess that the whole episode passed in little more than a minute.

It is impossible to know exactly what were the motivations of the Porsche driver. Perhaps he was late for the most important meeting of his life or was on his way to a medical emergency. Possibly his ability to be somewhere at a certain time may lead to some unknown factor which would greatly enhance his life or others. Maybe.

Equally there is no way of knowing, from my imperfect vantage point, what he could see ahead of him on that road. He may have been unaware of the little girl crossing the road. To my eye it seemed that he was directing his anger at the driver two in front and his/her decision to stop to allow people to pass in front of the line of cars.

It’s probably fair to guess that at that moment the driver of the black Porsche believed he was utterly justified in his actions. We’re all human and we all think we’re right all the time. It’s one of our biggest weaknesses.

I, as an observer, was naturally annoyed at what seemed to be an ugly demonstration of vulgar and aggressive behaviour. I told my wife when I got home and we both shook our heads in exasperation.

And then I thought about it some more.

And I began to think about how many times I’ve got angry at being stuck in traffic. How I perhaps never took the time to consider that there may be a good reason why I’m being delayed for a few minutes.

I thought about how many times I’ve allowed the pressures of work to make me act in a way which was not fair to others. About how many times I’ve allowed the demands of time and place to change my personality for the worse.

I thought about how many times I may have snapped at my wife or son because some small particular thing had not gone the way that I wanted.

I thought about the unending capacity of our own minds to make us forget what is really important and to become fixated on the trivial.

And then I thought about what other people would think if they could stop to watch me in just such a moment, just like I stopped to watch the man in the black Porsche. About how my unshakeable conviction that I was right would be countered by others shaking their heads in exasperation.

None of which, of course, means that I’ll be one bit better in the future. I’ll still be impatient, grumpy, unreasonable, cranky and unfair. And I’ll always be certain I’m right.

But maybe, just maybe, the next time I get into a mood I’ll pause to ask myself a question. If I could stop and watch myself, just like I stopped and watched the man in the black Porsche, how impressed would I be?

There’s a certain level of fame where only one name is required for immediate recognition.

Like Madonna, or Beyoncé.

Or, in the world of of kids’ TV, Andy.

For any readers who don’t have young children I should explain that Andy is a constant presence on CBeebies, and therefore on my television screen. A whole genre of programmes has been created around his floppy hat wearing explorer character (Andy’s Dinosaur Adventures/Prehistoric Adventures/Wild Adventures/Safari Adventures). He also sings in his own rock band and seems to have a strange talent for making mummies go weak-kneed.

My wee man adores Andy and many of the extemporised games he plays involves him imagining himself as the adventurer, getting in and out of exciting scrapes as he squeals with delight: ‘Time to go on a dinosaur adventure!’

As a parent it might be expected that there would be a particular level of ennui towards such a ubiquitous force in my son’s cultural experience. But it’s not so with curly-locked Andy; it’s simply impossible to dislike him.

So, when it was announced that Andy Day (for that is his full name) was coming to Belfast for the Christmas lights switch-on, there was nothing to do but get tickets.

Or, at least, that would have been the case if I had actually been able to get tickets.

They were made available online by the council to the public at 9am on a Monday morning and within minutes had all been allocated while I was still trying to remember the password for my laptop.

Of course a seasoned and resourceful blogger like myself was unlikely to allow such a petty hiccup to frustrate my attempts to enable my son to see his favourite TV character.

I thought hard about what I would do. Then I thought some more. Then I made a cup of coffee before having another think.

Then my wife, a respected journalist, phoned me and told me that she had gone ahead and got press tickets from the lovely people at Belfast City Council.

I nodded my head slowly in approval. I knew that I’d think of something.

We’re standing in front of the large stage in front of the City Hall. The number of people is beginning to swell rapidly. I’ve got mixed feelings. It’s fair to say that my five-year-old has a poor record in attending public events. He doesn’t like large crowds and is easily disturbed by loud noise. I’ve lost count of the number of carefully prepared family outings that we’ve had to abandon in misery and frustration because he has become upset and afraid of the din and commotion.

And now, as the density of spectators thickens the throng, I’m worried that it’s only a matter of times before my wee man gets spooked and we have to retreat to the car, excitement once more tempered by reality.

But it doesn’t happen.

There’s something different in the air tonight. It’s a beautiful, dry, clear evening in Belfast and the city centre has put on its best face. Christmas music is playing and it’s easy to forget that it’s still only the middle of November. It’s an evening to leave cynicism at home.

I begin to relax as it becomes clear my son is actually enjoying himself. He’s singing along to the tunes, dancing on the road and playing games only he understands. When the official  entertainment begins he demands to be lifted to have a better view of the action on the colourful stage.

My little boy insisted on bringing along a large toy dinosaur, ignoring my practical pleas for him to leave it in the car. When Andy comes to the stage he immediately launches into a series of dino raps and my wee man serenely waves his T-Rex high above his head, vindicated that he knew better than daddy. Better than everyone.

I don’t see that much of Andy’s performance because I’m watching my son’s face. He is transfixed with a particular sense of delight which can’t be faked. He absolutely gets what is going on. Just at this time, at this age, on this night, it all makes sense to him.

I watch his smile. That’s my memory of the night.

As Andy coaxes the crowd into a series of growls and roars mummy and I take turns holding our son. Physically we’re both beginning to flag. My back is beginning to fail and her heels are making her feet ache. But my son is effervescent, with enough contagious energy to sustain us all.

Soon it’s time to switch on the Christmas lights. We all bellow out the countdown from ten and, a moment after we reach zero, the tree, City Hall and surrounding streets become a kaleidoscope of dazzling illumination. Andy returns to the stage with Fireman Sam, Paw Patrol and the Lord Mayor to dance along to Shakin’ Stevens’ Merry Christmas Everyone. A machine is blowing out fake snow which lands lightly on my boy’s face.

We wave a distant goodbye to Andy. We’ve got quite a long walk back to the car.

My son has a particular trait. When he’s happy he bounces as he moves, up and down, as if all the forces of fun within him simply can’t be contained.

As we walk down Royal Avenue tonight, past the ashy shell of the old Primark building, mummy is limping and I’m shuffling. But my boy is bouncing as he walks. Up and down. Up and down.

And he’s singing also, with a wonderful disregard for who is nearby and what they might think.

We’re home now and it’s very late as I write this. In truth I could have waited until the morning and, with a fresher mind, produced a more polished version.

But I felt moved to record my thoughts while they were still dancing around my skull. To get the immediacy of it across. To remember it exactly as it happened.

To remember the look on my son’s face when he saw Andy.

It’s another cold Saturday morning and I’m running slowly across a muddy sports field.

A faster runner passes me. Large clumps of dirt fly up from the back of his heels as he sprints through, one almost colliding with my face. Soon the other runner is not much more than a speck in the distance.

As I turn a sharp corner one of the volunteers wearing a fluorescent jacket yells encouragement. ‘Come on! It’s all downhill from here!’

A tall runner beside me manages to utter some words of comfort in my direction.

‘Well, that’s good to know at least.’

About thirty seconds later we hit a sharp incline. It’s short, but makes the muscles in my calves burn.

As I amble towards the finish line there are various thoughts in my head. Why do I do this? Why the feck do I do this? Jesus, I really wish I was dead.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe that this is what I do for fun and relaxation.

I cross the line and another volunteer hands me a little plastic token and some words of congratulation.

It’s another cold Saturday morning and I’m at another Parkrun.

Today I’m doing the Queen’s Parkrun in Belfast. I’ve actually done this run before but they’ve recently changed the course so I wanted to have another look.

I trudge towards the pavilion and hand my barcode and token to yet another volunteer who records my place.

She smiles warmly and says: ‘Well, what did you make of that then Jonathan?’

I’m briefly stunned that this complete stranger knows my name. For the smallest of moments a pleasing thought runs through my mind that my fame as a Parkrunner carries all before me.

Then I realise that she is just reading my name off my barcode and trying to be nice.

Then I remember that I really ought to say something in response. That’s how it works.

I try to say ‘It was very hard. Too many bends.’

But what actually comes out between gasps is ‘Hardmanybendy.’

She smiles again as she hands back my barcode. I swipe sweat away from my face.

The greatest attraction of Queen’s as a Parkrun venue is the facilities. At most other Parkruns you have to gather in a park, exposed to the elements. At Queen’s there is a large, modern and bright pavilion so you can delay going out to run in the rain until the latest possible moment.

The pavilion also serves as the spot for a post run coffee and chat. Dozens gather there to compare times or catch up on their anecdotes from the office during the past week. There’s a warm buzz of good-natured conversation, well earned after a hard run.

I take a cup of cold water from a table. There are maybe fifty people gathered in the room. I move away from them all to a bench at the far wall and take a seat.

I watch the other runners come in and leave. Groups are forming and I’m content to watch rather than participate. I’m overcome with that familiar feeling, one that has been with me throughout my life, that every person in the room knows each other, apart from me.

Then a man walks towards me. I pretend to be staring at my cup and take a couple of sips. He stands close by.

‘Good to get the run out of the way early in the day.’

‘Aye’, I respond, deploying the full scale of my raconteurial talents.

The man sits beside me now. He is older than me, perhaps by twenty years. His hair is white but his body wiry. He has serious eyes. While I am breathless he is completely measured.

And then he begins to talk to me about the run. I tell him that Wallace Parkrun is my home course and he is familiar with it. In fact, he is familiar with all the Parkruns in Northern Ireland, having completed every single course. This gives me the opportunity to tell him about my current challenge to run all the Parkruns and he listens with patient interest.

Then we compare notes on some of the courses we have both completed, which ones are the fastest, the hilliest, the most picturesque.

Today I’m wearing a Belfast Marathon T-shirt. I got it when I finished the marathon in 2016. Perhaps I’m hoping that my new companion will notice it and realise that I was once a decent runner.

‘Do you do any other running?’ I ask. ‘Anything long distance?’

‘I like to do ultra marathons. Doing 150 mile runs is a good challenge for me.’

‘Oh,’ I say.

We talk like this for a few more minutes. I don’t know what my new friend’s name is, or even what he does for a living but it was pleasant just to connect over a chat about running.

That’s one of the many benefits of the Parkrun. You always meet someone to have a chat to. Yes, even someone as antisocial as me.

Soon it’s time for me to leave the pavilion and I say goodbye to my new friend. He offers me his hand.

‘Are you running back to Lisburn now?’ he asks.

‘Uh no, I think I’ll just take the car.’

‘Right, well maybe I’ll see you at Wallace Parkrun sometime.’

Yes, maybe you will.

My son has been ill this week. Nothing serious but his ailment ensured that he had to stay away from school and temporarily avoid contact with other children.

This meant several long days with the two of us cooped up in an enclosed space. Now, as I’ve often said, I consider spending time son the greatest privilege of my life, but hey, you can have too much of a good thing.

We’re both adept at finding novel ways to pass the time but this week has stretched our creativity to breaking point. And then a bit further.

Here’s a small selection of some of the activities we’ve taken part in together….

1 Dodge the Penguin

An extemporised time-killer which soon developed into a formal game with an established set of rules which my son insists on reading out in full every time just before we play. The gist is that we take it in turns to hurl an inflatable toy penguin called Pecky at each other. Points are awarded for evading the throw, with bonuses for particularly athletic dodges and spins.

My son has won every bout so far. My low point was reached when, in a frantic effort to elude Pecky, I ran headfirst into the patio doors and almost knocked myself unconscious. As I lay dazed on the floor my son danced around me, squealing with delight and yelling ‘Daddy! Do it again! Do it again!’

2 Madagascar

The Madagascar films have become the narrative and soundtrack of our week with my son watching them repeatedly and then peppering me with questions such as ‘How come there are Penguins in the jungle daddy?’ or ‘How can a giraffe be in love with a hippo daddy?’

A slight note of discord was reached in our ongoing disagreement over sequencing. My reasoning that Madagascar 1 should be viewed first followed by Madagascar 2 and then Madagascar 3 is in sharp contrast to my son who insists they should be watched in the reverse order. When I gently try to dissuade him that he’s got it the wrong way round he scornfully replies ‘Duh daddy!’

The legacy of Madagascar has been that my wee man has spent much of the week singing ‘I like to move it, move it!’ while insisting that I dance along. 

3 The train set

A visit to the toy shop for some distraction ended with us coming home with a new toy train set.

My first realisation was that the track would not join together on the thick living room mat. So I moved it, which merely revealed how dirty the living room floor was.

Then I went to insert the batteries in the train. I removed the tiny screw from the battery compartment and promptly dropped it on the kitchen floor. As I was on my hands and knees vainly searching for it I realised how dirty the kitchen floor was.

After having to sellotape the lid back onto the battery compartment my son watched the little train go around the track once. Then he turned to me and said ‘What else does it do daddy?’

He spent the rest of the afternoon watching one of the Madagascar films again while I spent it in the company of the vacuum cleaner and the mop.

4 The medicine

It was all very civil and agreeable as the GP told my son that he would have to stay off school for a few days and would have to eat lollies and ice cream. So jolly was the occasion that we barely noticed her mentioning the medicine.

We were not even alarmed as we picked the bottle up at the chemist. After all, surely nothing evil could come in such a pretty shade of pink?

Then my son tasted it.

And everything changed.

His face twisted in horror and he proclaimed the medicine as the worst thing he had ever tasted. The instructions on the bottle said he has to get 5mls four times every day.

Thus began a seemingly unending procession of rows, threats, wrestling, clenched teeth, crying, sticky hands and changes of clothing.

Finally this afternoon, just at the point where I was about to give up hope I brought the medicine to him. This time my son didn’t argue but simply opened his mouth and allowed me to pour it in.

He closed his mouth and his eyes met mine.

I didn’t say anything but I just nodded so he would know just how proud his father is of him.

Then he spat the medicine into my lap.

5 Writing a rap

My son demanded a piece of paper this morning so he could write a song. He chewed the tip of a pencil for a moment before coming up with the title Kids’ Land.

Soon he had composed the lyric for a first stanza which went:

‘If you want to have fun, go to Kids’ Land

It’s the best place for kids to play.’

I then set about putting it to music and discovered that it seemed to work best with a rap beat. So we performed it as a rap duo in the living room. He rapped the lyrics while I made beatbox noises in the background. Dreams of stardom overcame us.

Unfortunately our fledging crew soon dissolved due to creative differences. My boy objected to me trying to tie a soiled handkerchief around his head as a bandana and I regretfully lost my cool and told him I would ‘pop a cap in his ass’.

It was late in the summer of 1996. I was young and scared of the world. So scared that I spent much of my energy hiding away from it. On a fine Saturday evening I found myself in the small seaside town where I grew up visiting family.

I had been dispatched to a local chippie to buy dinner. At that time I don’t think I had yet enjoyed a Chinese meal and I’m quite sure I’d never tasted Indian food. Pizza I may have experienced fleetingly. Exotic food, to my blinkered palate, was coleslaw. Takeaway dinner could only mean the fish and chip shop. The chippies back then sold chicken burgers which contained brown meat, but we didn’t know enough to mind.

I remember the garish red and white colour scheme of the shop interior and the smell of burnt fat which seemed to cling to the hairs on your arms. When I reached the front of the queue I struggled to make eye contact with the woman holding a small pencil behind the counter. I mumbled my order (chicken burgers? Fish supper?). I noticed she had not written down what I had said, so I repeated my words slightly louder, presuming she hadn’t heard me. Only then did I notice the severe expression on her face and the hard stare she had fixed in my direction. My face coloured as she peered hard in my direction. 

Her unforgiving eye met mine. Then she started.

‘Are you smart?’ The words were delivered in a harsh north Antrim drawl (the same accent as my own).

‘Uh….sorry?’

‘I said, are you smart?’

The direct nature of the questioning disarmed me. I’d never been asked such a thing before and hadn’t the remotest thought of what an appropriate answer should be. In the end I mumbled something quite unconvincing.

‘Uh no, no, I don’t think so.’

But the chip shop woman was not to be put off so easily. She turned sideways and closed one eye, so she could stare at me all the more intensely with the other.

‘Are you sure you’re not smart?’

She spoke the words with apparent distaste, as if she suspected I was a leper who should be carrying a bell.’

‘Uh no.’

‘You’re definitely not smart?’

Like Peter, I denied it for a third time.

She began to write down my order. Midway through she stopped and fixed her glare on me once again, a hint of triumph in her fierce eye.

‘Yes you are smart! I know you, I’ve seen your photo in the paper. You are smart!’ she exclaimed with a sneer.

I knew immediately the photo she was talking about. I had recently graduated from university and, against my wishes, my Ma had insisted on putting the photograph in the local paper. It was a small community and back then things like that got noticed.

The woman moved away then and began to shovel chips into a bubbling fryer. I rested against the windowsill, burning from shame over the interrogation. Desperate for a distraction I watched traffic slowly moving in the direction of the quay. Other people came into and left the shop. Presently the woman beckoned me back to the counter to collect my food.

As she wrapped it in sheets of white paper she resumed the attack.

‘So, are you going to teach then?’

Again it was a question I could never have anticipated and I blurted another unprepared answer.

‘No, no, I don’t really think I’m cut out for teaching.’

Her glare lifted from the food back in my direction.

‘So what are you going to do with yourself then?’

It was the question I dreaded, the one I’d asked myself countless times but could never find an answer to. What exactly was I going to do with the rest of my life? I pushed my hand through my hair and looked sideways as I tried to offer a sufficient response.

‘Uh, I don’t really know for sure at the minute. I suppose I’ll sign on for a while and see what comes up.’

She stopped moving as soon as I said it. She looked me up and down, making no attempt to conceal her scorn.

Then she spat the words, a harsh edge of bitterness in her voice. 

‘That doesn’t sound very fucking smart to me.’

She returned her gaze to the food.

‘Do you want salt and vinegar on these chips?’

There’s a permanence in this November rain. You can’t tell where it starts or finishes, you only have to be outside for a few seconds and it’s all over you, cold and inescapable. A fine mist that cloaks every blade of grass in the garden.

It’s a day for the house. But it’s also the last couple of days of the mid term break and we don’t want to waste it. We watch the weather through the smears on the window.

‘What do you want to do today buddy?’ I enquire gently.

His small, round face is twisted in concentration for just a moment. Then he brightens. A breakthrough.

‘Let’s go to the beach daddy!’

I shiver involuntarily.

‘The beach? It’s not really a beach day buddy? What about the cinema? Shall I see what’s on?’

‘No daddy, I want to go to the beach, please!’

I glance at mummy but she just shrugs her shoulders. I turn back to my son and can see the hurt coming into his features. I soften.

‘OK buddy, the beach it is. But we all have to wrap well up.’

We’ve got the beach virtually to ourselves. Of course. There’s the occasional dog-walker and a haughty seagull which looks big and nasty enough to pluck out your whole eyeball, but they are just hurrying through. Seeking shelter.

The fog rolls across the top of the tide like a thick sauce. There are piles of dark, slippery seaweed creating formations like military defences on the sand. Our nostrils are full of the scent of its pungent brine.

And we’re playing in the sand. And at the edge of the water. My son loves to play dare with the sea, creeping out as far as he can, where the sand is softest, and then retreating quickly with delighted squeals as the waves come in.

Soon his wellingtons are glistening with glassy sand particles and there are spreading dark patches of moisture on his jeans. His cheeks are ruddy and his golden hair plastered across his forehead. He glances at mummy and I regularly, just to check we’re standing close by. He’s still young so makes no effort to disguise the enthusiasm and joy in his expression.

We stay here for some time and eventually the weather begins to change. The plucky sun begins to poke through the ubiquitous blanket of cloud and a gentle breeze scatters the mist, exposing MacNeice’s Smoky Carrick on the far side of the Lough.

The new lustre also reveals colours. The ochre and rust of the leaves on the hard path, the pallid yellow and dirty shale shades in the expanse of sand. The grimy water washing just a little bit further up the shore each time.

I’m aimlessly throwing stones into the foam. My son grabs a fragment of a branch and begins to draw shapes on the flat sand which is pocked by pebbles, fragments of shells and discarded plastic.

I notice he is drawing a large shape which might be a heart, might not. Inside it he inexpertly begins to scrape the outlines of letters. James. Debs. Jonee.

We pass some more time this way but soon the rain returns, harsher and more persistent than before as if to make up for an unexpected interruption. It falls now as fast moving sheets which sting your face and make your clothes cling to your skin.

It’s time to leave the beach.

My son is the last one to exit the sand. Moving a few steps behind us as he keeps inventing new games and mischief, trying to delay his departure for just a few more seconds.

Soon it will be time to return to work and school. But not quite yet.

Mummy and I are on the path, close together, arms linked as we walk back to the car. Our boy moves level, forcing us apart and taking his place in the narrow gap between us.