1 My belief that I’m knowledgeable at things I clearly know nothing about.

‘I am a bit of an expert at building children’s playhouses.’

2 My refusal to accept blame when things go wrong.

‘It’s no good, these plans for this playhouse are nonsense.’

3 My method for fixing electronic devices.

‘Try switching it off and on again.’

4 My terrible sense of direction.

‘Yes, the fact that there was a strip of grass in the middle of the road should have alerted me that I’d gone the wrong way.’

5 My DIY prowess.

‘Well just move the chair over there, no one will ever see it.’

6 My beard only grows in certain parts of my face.

‘No, it’s not meant to be a goatee!’

7 My child likes to bounce on my stomach.

‘Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Shall we watch some..Ow! Ow! Ow!

8 My stubborn refusal to listen to mummy’s advice.

‘Give over, I’ve been reversing cars for years. Shush, I’m nowhere near the wall….aw shite!

9 I smuggle things into the shopping trolley.

‘I forgot the milk, and the bread. No I didn’t get the potatoes either. But look, I got a 12 pack of Monster Munch.’

10 My refusal to acknowledge the size of my belly.

‘For the last time I’m not putting on weight. Here give me a hand up, will you?’