There are some things you can only say to someone you really love.

With that in mind here are my five favourite insults delivered to me by my son recently.

1 ‘Daddy, if we were all put in prison then I would escape through the bars and I’d drag mummy out too but your big, fat belly would get stuck.’

2 ‘Daddy, it will be good when you die because I really like going to graveyards.’

3 ‘Daddy, can you please not sit beside me because you smell like poo.’

4 ‘Daddy, mummy does the news on TV, why do you never do anything?’

5 Screaming during a red-faced tantrum.

‘I hate you daddy! I hate you!’

Daddy looks hurt.

‘But I love you son.’

Son looks momentarily confused. Then he yells.

‘I love you and I hate you daddy!’