It is now two years since I launched What’s a Daddy For? Despite predictions to the contrary the blog is still going. Granted nobody reads it anymore but it can’t be denied that it still exists. A fitting time to reflect on another year in the life of the world’s least likely blogger…….
AUGUST: The summer holidays are beginning to drag, I’m running out of things to do with my son and we are watching too much TV. I reach my low point during a prolonged bout of insomnia when I realise I know all the words to the ‘Let it Go’ song out of Frozen off by heart.
SEPTEMBER: My son begins P2. I leave him at the school gates on the first day and watch him walk away. I stand there for a moment. Then I go home and watch Frozen.
OCTOBER: I take on some journalism work in an effort to restart my stalled career. At a press conference I meet a politician I’ve not seen in years. He approaches, shakes my hand, leans close and whispers ‘Is it true you went mad?’
NOVEMBER: I’m delighted to receive a call asking me to appear as a commentator on local radio. It’s the first time I’ve been asked on air in many months. My early excitement is slightly bleared when the producer tells me they contacted me because Jamie Bryson was not available.
DECEMBER: Marks and Spencer are left to rue their decision to run a free Santa’s grotto in my local store. During our sixth visit I’m almost sure I can hear Santa whispering to an elf as we approach ‘Fecking hell, not them again.’
JANUARY: My son loses his first tooth. Then the next day he loses his second. My attempt to claim that the Tooth Fairy is running a two teeth for the price of one offer is met with stony silence.
FEBRUARY: In an effort to arrest the alarming decline in views for What’s a Daddy For? I devote a week to my blog, producing new material every day. What’s a Daddy For secures its lowest average weekly readership since it was launched.
MARCH: In a bid to teach my son some fiscal responsibility I start giving him pocket money each week. He looks unimpressed and asks: ‘Can I have one of the plastic cards instead daddy?’
APRIL: Inspired by a nasty bout of food poisoning, my idea for a weight loss book for middle-aged men ‘Shite Your Way To A Leaner Figure’ fails to find a publisher.
MAY: I take part in the Belfast Marathon. My blog about nipple chafing is a surprise hit.
JUNE: My son wins an unexpected medal for the relay race at sports day. I’m ejected from the field when I open a celebratory can of Carlsberg. My appeal that the organisers had failed to erect any ‘No alcohol’ signs falls on deaf ears.
JULY: My son suggests starting the summer holidays by doing a complete inventory of all of his toys. I begin work on a new book idea for parents. Working title ‘I used to be able to see the carpet’.
Happy birthday to my wee blog. Here’s to another 12 months of fun…..